“Ulysses! Are you there…?”
“Yes, I am.”
The same as a dog curses the leash pulling it, I curse the fate
which dragged my Hime and me. And curse the author who gives me life on a whim,
in an irregular, erratic manner…
“…”
“If you have so much money… have you thought about hiring a
bodyguard?”
“Yes, I thought of it. But I won’t leave her in any other’s hands.
Something as valuable as my Hime… I wouldn’t be able to sleep thinking that a
stranger is watching, following her, who doesn’t care about her and protects
her only as part of their job. If something ever happened to Hime, the
bodyguard could simply think ‘what a mess, I’ll look for another job’ or
something like that.”
“What you’re asking can change totally your life… you know you can
take it easy and live pretending you know nothing…”
“Shit!” tears burned on my cheeks: “¡The best part of me is dying!
If you can’t understand it then sorry for the trouble, I’ll find another person
and no hard feelings… But please don’t say that…”
“…”
“I must say I look up to your determination” <<or your
despair>>, he must have been thinking. “Are you sure that’s what you
want? I have a dark past, and I’m not precisely trustworthy. If you get
involved with me you could have trouble, and once you start there’ll be no
turning back. Ever.”
The way he said it was threatening. Maybe he was trying to dissuade
me from a path in his opinion all too rough for my short age. But for me it was
not like that. I felt nervous and accelerated, as if I were going to be born
anew, as if I were going to break the iron bars of my safety cage and show
myself naked before the world.
“Do you look up to me? I’m so afraid… and so selfish… I only want to
guard her because I need her for living, because if her light fades there will
be no future for me. I’m just a coward in need of a weapon. If in order to
obtain it I have to get involved wherever I’ll do it, but I’ll never involve
her. It’s really what I want; no, it’s really what I need. As I told you,
money’s no problem…”
“I don’t want your money. If I ever decided to train you, it’d be
something purely vocational. I’m asking the last time. Are you totally sure to
abandon your normal life at your 7 years of age and turn into a ‘killing
machine’?” He emphasised notably the words ‘killing machine’.
“Killing? But I thought you taught to fight, to defend oneself, to…”
“Don’t get misled, boy. I only teach to fight… to death.”
I was surprised, that was not what I had thought.
“…”
“…”
“But…”
“Please I ask you, turn me into whatever can protect her. A killing
machine? Even that will do, I’ll commit my life and future, I’ll do whatever
you ask me without complain…”
“Alright, I won’t insist on it anymore. Tomorrow come to my home
after classes. If at five in the evening you’re not here, I’ll assume you
backed out. I’ll let you try a little of what you’ve chosen.
After hanging up the phone I remained pensive. That was a big mess,
too big for such a young child. So big that now indeed, I should really keep my
distance from Hime not to get her involved in it. It was something I, and only
I, had chosen… and would choose again six more times for her, if I were a cat.
But I had kissed her. But her face full of tears, her concern about
looking beautiful before me, was breaking my heart. Would I leave her alone
after seeing her like that, with her sorrow, with the obvious dependence she
had toward me? (by the way mine toward her could be even worse…)
My chest was tight, as if I were going to vomit my heart at any
moment. I felt things were beginning to spin in a whirlpool sucking me in.
Next day was unexpectedly normal, taking into account Hime was no
longer in my classroom. I was lucky enough not to run into the bullies neither
at the beginning nor at the end of classes, what was appreciated for me; I was
in such an unstable situation I could not even suspect what would happen if we
met face to face. I felt regret, for not being able to go to visit Hime at the
hospital that evening, even more so as I knew she would be awaiting me.
<<Who knows, maybe later, after being with Ulysses, I can go see
her.>>
There were just a few minutes left until five in the evening, and
there I was, beside Ulysses’ main gate, biting my lower lip. He had said ‘if at
five in the evening you are not here it will be like you backed out’, or
something like that. Ringing the intercom would mean taking the step, leaving
all behind… would I really kill anybody? A rich, idle boy like me, a weakling
that had never lifted a finger, and had no remarkable skills? <<except
for being bullied by others, of course… Ah, and… MAKE HIME HAPPY. THAT’S MY
SKILL.>> Her image gave me a flash, about all what had happened, about
all she had suffered. And about all she was going to suffer if nobody saved
her. <<My Hime turned into a vegetal, her smile gone, her eyes lifeless…>>
I rang. I pressed hard the button, as if sealing my fate precisely
in that instant. <<Whatever I have to do, IF IT’S FOR HIME, IT’S
ALRIGHT.>>
“Yes?”
“Hello Ulysses, I’m Kotaro.”
“I see. Wait a moment, I’m on my way.”
In few moments he was coming out the main gate. He brought a German
shepherd dog with a leash, what surprised me since I did not know he had pets;
but I did not say anything about it.
“So you decided to come. Ok, I won’t try to dissuade you anymore,
but you’ll have to overcome some tests if you want me to train you.”
“Tests? But I didn’t know that…”
“You weren’t supposed to know. These are surprise tests, they
wouldn’t make sense if you had trained for them. Come with me, we’ll go to a
place to do them.”
I thought it must not have been a faraway place, taking into account
his limping. And indeed, it was a meadow hidden among the bushes, really close
to the building but well protected from others’ looks. Ulysses sat down heavily
on a rock: “Aaayy. They’re going to be three tests: Determination, cold blood
and murderous instinct.”
“…”
“First test: Give that rock a
punch, with all your might.”
“But if I do that I’ll break my hand… and won’t be able to fight or
do anything…”
“Well, if you don’t feel happy with this we can leave it here…”
He bewildered me with such a request. Maybe he was testing me, or
maybe trying to make me give up on it, or… <<Hime…>> I gained
momentum and went again the rock:
“Aaaaahhhhh!”, I threw the strongest punch I could ever have.
<<Goodbye to my hand, to my arm, to everything…>> When:
‘crackksss!’ the rock shattered and was pierced by my blow. A lot of small
balls floated in the air… There was only one explanation: The rock was made of Styrofoam!
“Hahahaha…!” Ulysses hollered with a dement smile: “Very good, boy,
very good…”
“You tricked me! I was prepared to become one-handed!”
“THAT is determination, boy. Don’t forget it.”
“Second test: Stand still here in front of me, and don’t move one
millimetre. If you move you’ll have failed the test.”
I went where he told me and stayed there. “Only that? So easy?”
“No, wait. You must remain still, remember.”
He took a stick he had at hand and hit the dog. I thought he was
heartless, poor animal, it had not done anything. He struck it several times
and, gradually, the hound was getting angrier and angrier. Soon it was showing
its fangs, growling and foaming through its mouth. It was really threatening,
but I did not close my eyes. I could not even move a little bit.
He handled the leash and tangled it around me, making the beast
place itself behind me. From one side he kept on hitting it with the stick.
I was afraid. And I could not run, I could not get away. It was
going to bite me, sure it was going to bite me, and I should not make the
slightest sound or move. I had to endure it…
It bit me. Several times on the back of my legs, some times on the
buttock. I felt how the throbbing blood soaked my trousers in a blend with
saliva.
Finally he took the dog away from me: “Good, boy. You’re doing good.
There’s just one test left.”
After hearing that I exhaled at once and broke down, touching my
calf and thighs in pain, breathing as quickly as a steam train at full
throttle.
The last test was something about ‘killing’, <<He won’t ask me
to…>> Yes, he asked me to do what I feared most.
“Third test: Kill the dog.”
“But… What bad did the dog do? What has it to do in all of this?”
“Shut up! This is what you’ve chosen, you’ll have to kill many
people, no dogs, that didn’t do any bad. If you can’t do it, we finish just
here.”
I swallowed my complaints and my excuses not to face the angry animal:
<<IF IT’S FOR HIME, IT’S ALRIGHT.>>
“Ok, I’ll do it.” As I replied I thought that man was much worse
than I had imagined, someone who had lived a hell and was going to make me live
it as well.
“Alright, let’s start. Get ready.” Ulysses grabbed the dog from the
collar and loosened the karabiner of the leash.
“I can use weapons, right?”
“That’s it.”
Without further talk I took a medium-sized stone I could throw fast
enough, also quite heavy to have some effect on the victim.
“There it goes!” He set the animal free and hit it twice; there it
came, towards me, like a fiend. With all my might I threw the stone against its
head, aiming to its nose. A high-pitched whimper drilled through my eardrums,
and the dog went back some metres. Following it rushed towards me, with even
more rage, but I already had another projectile in my hand and repeated the
same. This time it fell to the ground.
After the second hit it appeared to be badly injured, and did not
come after me anymore. It stood with a certain difficulty and turned back,
running away clumsily from me. With tears in my eyes and a spear of guilt piercing
my chest I chased after it, with a third stone, and hit its head until it
ceased to move. <<IF IT’S FOR HIME IT’S ALRIGHT>>, I repeated to
myself, as I wielded up and down the tool of my murder. At the end I could only
break into tears like a young child, like the first and last time I could save
Hime from the bullies, but in this occasion there was no relief. There was no
good reason to do what I did, I just had to do it.
“Congratulations, kid. You did it. How do you feel, ‘killing
machine’?”
To top it all he joked… I realised, definitively, Ulysses was totally
crazy.
“How do I feel? Ehh… Arrggghhhh…!” I vomited right there, before
him, for his amusement.
He was having a good time: “Ok, don’t say it, hahahaha…!”
“Come on boy. Come to my home, I’ll heal your wounds. Tomorrow we’ll
start with your training.”
When I left his house it was little after seven in the evening. I
would have had enough time to visit Hime in the hospital, but I had no courage.
After what I had just done, seeing her, looking at her face… I felt unable. I
feared if at that moment I came close to her I would tarnish her purity; with
my hands dirty of blood… and with my eyes dirty of death.
The next day my ‘teacher’ was waiting for me in the meadow, after
school. I was impatient to learn to fight, but met my first disappointment.
“Before anything else you must learn to perceive the world
surrounding you, with all your senses…”
I did not even know such a thing could be done. It took me longer
than expected, since I thought it would be something really simple and without
importance. But I was mistaken. My master would diligently give me ‘homework’
for home. And warn me, “If you don’t do your homework don’t bother to come
back, I won’t continue to teach you until you’ve finished it.”
At least the training allowed me enough free time to go to see my
Hime. Her wounds were already improving, little by little. She had not put
makeup on her again, since I ‘caught’ her. I recall the day after the tests I
went to visit her…
“Helloooo… How is my favourite patient?” <<Oh god, what big
cheeks… this is going to be complex…>>
“Ugu! Why didn’t you come yesterday? You left me here alone, left
out and forsaken…!”
“Well, I had to do something…”
“Ah, yes? And what was such an important thing for you to forget
about me?”
“Eh… er… I had to…”
“you had to…?” She tilted slightly her head and raised her gaze, in
a meaningful gesture inquiring my excuses. In no way I could tell her what had
happened the previous day, let alone my plans to look after her ‘in the
shadows’… And what was I going to say? I needed to make something up; something
good enough for her not to suspect…
“Eh… do you remember the punishment of sweeping the whole classroom?
Yesterday I made the teacher angry, and had to stay cleaning until night.”
“And… what did you do?”
That was the worst part. I had to come up with something at least
moderately coherent. That punishment was special, they would not use it on you
for something mild like falling asleep in class.
“Well…”
“And so?”
“I touched the teacher’s bottom.”
“WHAAAAAAT? But how could you do such a thing?
“So I leave you alone for two days and you turn into the worst of
the worst pervert? And to top it all off you like grandmas!”
“No, I didn’t do it on purpose…”
“Ah, no? And then what happened, your hand moved on its own?”
“Not quite… The thing is, she had a fly.”
“A fly?”
“Yes, she had a fly on her bottom and I tried to kill it.”
Even I could realise nobody would believe such a story. It was
absurd… My face reflected despair, I was not good at lying but I could not let
her know either…. I neither knew what to say, nor where to look. I knew I could
not deceive her. Not her; she knew me all too well.
“Ah, I see. And you managed to kill the fly?”
I could see a shade of understanding in her gaze. She was ‘sparing
my life’, pretending she had believed the enormous fairy tale…
“Not only that, but it got
away, and all the class burst in laughs saying that ‘the teacher and I were a
couple’, that we were going to marry and so on… Please, when you come back to
school don’t say anything about the topic or I’ll die of shame.”
Suddenly, an enraged glare…
“It’s not true that you like that grandma, right…? Marry her…?”
For sure she was playing along with me.
“Don’t dwell on it, that was only said in class…”
“Yes, of course, but you touched that grandma’s bottom and with me you haven’t even tried…”
“What are you muttering? Did you say anything? I couldn’t hear you
well…”
‘Knock, knock!’ The door of the room was knocked:
“Time for visits is over, you have to go already.”
“Understood, I leave soon.”
“Ugu, Kota, don’t go…”
“I’ll come again tomorrow, I promise.”
“But why do you come so late? You used to come just after classes!”
“That’s… I’ll explain you that tomorrow, there’s no time now.”
Her cheeks were again like two balloons about to explode.
“By the way… what’s that you have there?”
“What? Where?”
“Ah! What an ugly bug! It’s the first time I see something like
that!”
“Ehhh? No! Get rid of it! Hurry up! Get rid of it now!”
“Hold on, I’ll kill it…”
“There!”
‘Slap!!’ I gave her a spank on her bottom… still today I cannot
forget, hahaha…
“Ahhh! It was true! You are a damned pervert! And you don’t care if
they’re old or young! Every woman is in danger!”
“Ok, ok. I’ll see you tomorrow, then…”
As I was about to leave through the door, there were the nurses
again.
“Watch out! He’s a pervert! He’ll touch all of your bottoms!”
“Don’t say that… Ah, it’s true, this nurse has a really big bug on…”
“Nooo! Perveeeert!”
“Hahaha…!” As if by magic I forgot the bitter gulp I had during the
tests, and recalled what I had sworn to protect. <<IF IT’S FOR HIME IT’S
ALRIGHT>>, those words gained a renewed meaning in my mind.
“Boy, I don’t know what you do, but when you leave she’s always all
lively…” One of the nurses said. In response I just smiled: <<Indeed,
it’s better if they don’t know ‘what I do’, or I’ll be in trouble.>> I
took advantage of the occasion to ask to one of them:
“Will Hime take long to come back to school?”
“No, perhaps around two weeks… Don’t be impatient, she must recover
properly from her wounds.”
“Ok, I’ll try…”
I headed towards the exit of the hospital, and following to my
house.
I had at most two weeks. That is what the nurse said. Two weeks to turn that school into a safe
place for Hime, where she had nothing to fear. And how was I going to erase the
terror from her gaze? How was I going to erase the terror she felt inside?
The only capable of helping me was Ulysses, for better or worse.
The next day I did not waste time: I brought up the topic as soon as
I saw him:
“Ulysses…!”
He must have suspected something, since he looked me aside, with a
gesture of mistrust:
“Yes?”
“I need to get rid of those bullies, the ones I talked you about,
within two weeks. Or scare them for good, or whatever. Something that makes them
not get near Hime ever again.”
“Eh?” Just now, if I think of the face he pulled, I would say it was
of ‘fake surprise’: “Two weeks? But you think that in two weeks…? This doesn’t
work like that, boy.”
“I’ll pay you…”
All of a sudden he put on a really serious expression:
“You’d better not talk about money again. I think I made it clear
already.”
“Yes, but…”
It looked like he was holding inside a stronger reply.
“We can make a deal: If you teach me now a technique to give them a
real beating, later I’ll learn whatever and however you tell me to.”
“No, boy. The problem is not only the technique. You lack strength,
and that for sure cannot be trained in a mere two weeks.”
“But then Hime…”
“Well, there’s still a way…”
“Yes? What way?”
“I can train you on close combat and give you a weapon. But you must
take care to attack them one by one. If some time you come across two of them
together, you’ll be done.”
“And with that you think they won’t disturb Hime anymore?”
“Just with a beating? Ah boy. I’m afraid not. You’ll have to injure
them so that they’re some months out of school. In that way, when they’re back
from the hospital you’ll be already better prepared to face them.”
I loved the idea: “Ok! When are we starting?”
“Just now.”
“Goood!”
“But remember, when this issue is over you’ll have to retake your
‘sensitive training’ where you left it, build the house from the foundation.”
“Ok, understood.”
And so Ulysses began my instruction in close combat techniques,
which according to his own words, were almost all of them ‘sportingly illegal’
or something like that.
Every day I visited Hime she was a little better. That encouraged
me. But at the bottom of her eyes still laid fear; I knew that, I could see it.
Like a flower in the storm, she would become the most beautiful. And I would
make sure she were well. The accelerated training was indeed tough, and I would
end up exhausted. The calendar drew on relentlessly, and only a few days were
left until she were discharged from the hospital.
“Tomorrow don’t come to train. Go hunting. Don’t forget, cover your
face with a black balaclava; and wear little flashy clothes, that you’ve never
used, and will never use again.
Later I was with Hime…
“Kota, is anything wrong?”
“No, why do you think that?”
“You’re nervous…”
“Nervous? No, I’m not nervous, hehe”
“Yes, of course; that’s why your hands are shivering and you’re
sweating.”
“It’s just that tomorrow there’s a very difficult exam…”
“Ugu! And you don’t tell me anything? I can help you with whatever
you don’t understand…”
“Ok, but only when you’re healthy again. For now just rest.”
‘Muacks’
“Ehh? What are you doing?” Hime blushed when I kissed her forehead.
“You’re weird…”
“Don’t say that… It’s to make it heal sooner.”
Then I hugged her tightly.
“Kota…?”
“Is it also bad if I hug you?”
“No, but… Tomorrow you’ll come to see me, right?”
“Of course, like always, you know that.”
It seems she had understood my attitude as a ‘possible farewell’,
and looked worried. Hime returned my hug with sincere energy, as though she
wanted to soothe my nervousness.
As I opened the door to leave the room I stared at her. That could be
the last time I saw her. And recited, in my mind: <<IF IT’S FOR HIME,
IT’S ALRIGHT.>>
The story continues here: The Gladiator's Soul chapter 14
